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Are you me? I’ve recently moved to the middle of nowhere, this beautiful little village in Somerset with my dog. My favourite parts of the day are when I make myself a fancy coffee and sit in silence and watch whatever is happening in the garden. Only 3 years ago, I sacrificed space and quality to live in the city and I couldn’t be further away from that version of myself.

I’m still detangling it all but I feel like I’m in a recovery phase. I’m definitely isolating myself more than is probably good for me long term, but part of this move was about finding community. I’m letting go of party friends in favour of the man at the hardware store who already knows my name and the postman who dropped chocolate off for me when I was unwell. I know it will take a while to build up my community here so I could feel lonely, potentially, but it feels more aligned with who I am now already. And I have faith that if I embrace that alignment (even when it feels boring) that the right things will come into my life.

I think it takes patience and observation, rather than the action and ‘yolo’ mentality of most peoples 20’s. But I’m still excited to see where I’ll end up in another 5 years because who the hell knows!

Thanks for writing this piece - it feels really special to feel so seen and relate to someone like this x

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Apr 26, 2023Liked by Michelle Elman

Oh yes, I know that feeling! It's so confusing to have everything going "just fine" and not feel really happy or exited about that. And that what used to make me happy, no longer made me happy.

For me it happened last year. I was supposed to get married last September, but the months leading up to it I felt "just fine" - not exceedingly happy or content - and as a result I became extremely anxious. So much so that we decided to postpone. Of course there was more to it, but a big part of it was what you said: I spent my twenties travelling, being single, doing fun things with friends, etc. I always wished for a relationship and the opportunity of making my own family, but the longer it took, the more I planned my life and expectations around staying single. So when I got that relationship and the life I always wanted, things got confusing. I was happy and grateful for getting my long term wish, but at the same time suddenly found myself without a goal/dream to work towards, as I never set one that included a partner and hopefully kids. What do I want when I have that life? I am also becoming a different person. This is great, but I realised I also have to mourn the "cool travelling aunt" personality I am leaving behind. Changes in what you want also changes your attitude towards life and this does indeed take time, grieving and finding new purpose. I am doing great though and feeling much happier after allowing all these feelings and changes.

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Apr 26, 2023Liked by Michelle Elman

This came at the perfect time. I returned from a big trip from South Korea yesterday and I'm sat with the jetlag and low feelings that come from going from feeling like I'm an adventurer seeing new things every moments to suddenly just sat on a sofa in a home I know very well. I definitely spent the trip thinking 'I'd like to come back here, for longer and to experience more real life and less of a holiday feeling.'

Hearing you talk about neutral and peace in more positive ways has really really helped my tired and disappointed mind today. My main worry was that this enthusiasm and love I felt about this idea might just be forgotten at the wayside as I adjust to 'regular life' again. So I love this question: “Would it be possible for me to give myself a little time for the ‘new me’ to settle?” - instead of seeing it as returning to everything as it was, it's giving myself time to explore the idea of a new me. Being open to exploring that is the most important part.

Thank you.

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Apr 26, 2023Liked by Michelle Elman

I feel like this right now too (I’m 35 this year) and really struggling with the feelings. For me it’s a little different, I feel like I was quiet and didn’t do anything with my 20s just letting them pass me by and now in my 30s I’ve woken up and come alive just as everyone else is settling down for the peaceful life. So it’s hard to know where to turn for what I’m looking for. I’ve reached out for some counselling but I’m thinking I need a life coach!

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Apr 26, 2023Liked by Michelle Elman

I went through this after redundancy, I found a new job very quickly. My previous job was a high workload and very busy. As much as I loved it I was often working myself to burnout but there was something about it that was addictive. The job I got was the complete opposite and more life changes happened that forced me to a point of choosing a peaceful life with no drama, time to myself to reflect and I was just fine. This helped me to finally make time to realise what I want and what I need to get to it. I did try to fight it but like your life coach said I think just letting myself have some time to settle into the new me, that wasn’t all about work, going out, meeting new people, dating etc has helped a lot xx

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Apr 26, 2023Liked by Michelle Elman

I am absolutely going through something similar and feeling in a similar way. 🙈🙃🫠

Thanks for bringing this up Michelle. 😍

And even more amazing to also read all the comments, thanks for sharing guys❣️

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Apr 26, 2023Liked by Michelle Elman

Feeling like this right now and also turning 30 this year! Reframing is a great idea!

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This is interesting! I'm a lot older than you all and my boy went off to Uni 2 years ago. I'm a social worker and have been in various guises and levels for 24 years. I have been in my current role for nearly 4 years and have been feeling 'meh' about it. I recently went for 3 promotions and didn't get any and have felt very battered and bruised. I picked myself up and went for another, got an interview, was asked to do a presentation and half prepared it, only to realise that I didn't want to do it, didn't want to put myself 'out there' again and withdrew. I've been feeling 'stuck' by wanting change but also not wanting (or needing perhaps!) to prove myself. I decided that I'm kinda going to go home with my ball, rest up, the pandemic was brutal for social work!! regroup and reflect. I really really like your reframing Michelle!

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