Oh yes, I know that feeling! It's so confusing to have everything going "just fine" and not feel really happy or exited about that. And that what used to make me happy, no longer made me happy.
For me it happened last year. I was supposed to get married last September, but the months leading up to it I felt "just fine" - not exceedingly h…
Oh yes, I know that feeling! It's so confusing to have everything going "just fine" and not feel really happy or exited about that. And that what used to make me happy, no longer made me happy.
For me it happened last year. I was supposed to get married last September, but the months leading up to it I felt "just fine" - not exceedingly happy or content - and as a result I became extremely anxious. So much so that we decided to postpone. Of course there was more to it, but a big part of it was what you said: I spent my twenties travelling, being single, doing fun things with friends, etc. I always wished for a relationship and the opportunity of making my own family, but the longer it took, the more I planned my life and expectations around staying single. So when I got that relationship and the life I always wanted, things got confusing. I was happy and grateful for getting my long term wish, but at the same time suddenly found myself without a goal/dream to work towards, as I never set one that included a partner and hopefully kids. What do I want when I have that life? I am also becoming a different person. This is great, but I realised I also have to mourn the "cool travelling aunt" personality I am leaving behind. Changes in what you want also changes your attitude towards life and this does indeed take time, grieving and finding new purpose. I am doing great though and feeling much happier after allowing all these feelings and changes.
I totally relate to everything you said here. Another thing I had to accept is that my relationship changed me, it changed my goals and values and because so much of the being single narrative was 'never let a man change you', it almost brought me shame. But then Phillipa Perry writes about adaption (which is letting someone change you) vs mutual impact (that impact being around someone different has) and it helped light a lightbulb! M xx
Oh yes, I know that feeling! It's so confusing to have everything going "just fine" and not feel really happy or exited about that. And that what used to make me happy, no longer made me happy.
For me it happened last year. I was supposed to get married last September, but the months leading up to it I felt "just fine" - not exceedingly happy or content - and as a result I became extremely anxious. So much so that we decided to postpone. Of course there was more to it, but a big part of it was what you said: I spent my twenties travelling, being single, doing fun things with friends, etc. I always wished for a relationship and the opportunity of making my own family, but the longer it took, the more I planned my life and expectations around staying single. So when I got that relationship and the life I always wanted, things got confusing. I was happy and grateful for getting my long term wish, but at the same time suddenly found myself without a goal/dream to work towards, as I never set one that included a partner and hopefully kids. What do I want when I have that life? I am also becoming a different person. This is great, but I realised I also have to mourn the "cool travelling aunt" personality I am leaving behind. Changes in what you want also changes your attitude towards life and this does indeed take time, grieving and finding new purpose. I am doing great though and feeling much happier after allowing all these feelings and changes.
I totally relate to everything you said here. Another thing I had to accept is that my relationship changed me, it changed my goals and values and because so much of the being single narrative was 'never let a man change you', it almost brought me shame. But then Phillipa Perry writes about adaption (which is letting someone change you) vs mutual impact (that impact being around someone different has) and it helped light a lightbulb! M xx