If you saw the pictures of my ski trip recently, it would have looked perfect but the reality behind the image is I didn’t do a lot of skiing on this ski trip
Read this between sets during my first gym session since catching Covid. Weights were cut in half and I’m still struggling - and all this after several months of training to get to a somewhat okay-ish point with all my autoimmune diseases dragging me down. I’m supposed to go cycling around Majorca in about a month, and all the slow preparations for that were kind of ruined by covid again. I will need to balance trying to move again and not putting myself straight into a flare-up.
I find that with my baseline being much lower than a healthy person’s, declines really sadden me.
You aren't alone! And just remember 'something is better than nothing' and 'nothing is better than injuring yourself' - the nuance of both works wonders for me! xx
Great article Michelle. I have to allow flexibility for what my limits are on a day to day basis too and it's hard to stay positive sometimes but I'm definitely trying to appreciate what I can still do and realise my body has been through it. I had multiple chronic illnesses before getting covid and then I saw some consultants about Long Covid/post viral illness and got diagnosed with Postural Orthostatic Tachycardia Syndrome (POTS), which was causing my exercise intolerance, palpitations and breathlessness. They think I had it most of my life and covid exasperated it. I used to be very fit/sporty but would always hit a wall with how fit I could get and then would start crashing. Now I have very limited fitness and need to start gradually building it back up and it's hard explaining to people that I can't 'just' go straight back into things like they can. My point is, thanks for sharing your fitness vids and stories, as it does give me hope and encouragement and also helps me frame things more positively, rather than getting stuck xx
I am currently dealing with something similar, maybe not feeling like the unfit one but feeling like my unfittest self.
I have had a very bad health year, injury after injury (left wrist, back) and then surgeries (Cervical conization due to cancer) with 2 weeks of bedrest after each and then finally when things were looking brighter I started catching different things (tonsillitis, sinusitis) each month that made it unsanitary to work out at a public gym and it would have been a stupid move to pressure myself, so more resting while on antibiotics.
This of course means that I had to sort of start over again and I basically have no core muscles, and have to do exercises for those who recently gave birth. I couldn't do any of my regular weights and it felt horrible and demotivating. My frustration was known to my surroundings hehe. So I told my PT to give me a completely new program with non of my old exercises and we decided to more than halfen my weights and only do 2 sets instead of 3-4 and only 6 reps instead of 8-12. This made me stop comparing myself (at my weakest) to my strongest self and also made me feel stronger and when something felt too easy I added weights and then reps and then eventually a set and got back (and even beat) my old personal records, while enjoying the workout and not beating on myself for not being able to keep my old standards, that is how I overcame it this time.
I am still struggling to keep up especially walking, once I cross 10k steps per day I get problems with my feet and knees. When I had guest visiting I had to tell them that after a while, first I tried keeping up and did 20k steps for 2 days but that backfired and I couldn't join any walking for a couple of days. Now I communicate sure you can walk like 2-3k steps in a row with some pauses until we reach 10k but then I can't push it so either we need to grab an uber or I will just sit somewhere in the meantime. I felt like I needed a massage after this and my visiting friend really wanted one too so one day was recovery day where we got massages and just chilled, and it was awesome.
Today I did my first Zumba class in months and I had to mentally prepare myself that I would suck and that today was all about just leaving the house and moving my body to the music. As a former dancer it is hard not to want to do it perfectly and take yourself too seriously. But I went, and yes, it felt like my head was on someone else body and when I caught myself in the mirror I felt as elegant as an elegant but I was smiling and for me that is was I focus on. I feel such joy of music and movement and this Zumba instructor he is the BEST and we laugh and I smile the entire class. And slowly I will learn some of the songs and choreographies and then I can slowly start to push myself again to really use it as a workout.
I still haven't run more than 200m since May 2023, this is my biggest challenge to overcome yet because running is really hard and heavy when you haven't don't cardio in a long time. But I will try to make it an enjoyable thing by bringing my iPad and adjusting the goal minute by minute or 100m at a time. The focus will be to improve from where I am instead of thinking how slow I am compared to last year etc. It is extremely hard for me to give myself a break but I wouldn't expect any human to just bounce back like nothing happened so I am trying really hard to have self-compassion and thinking long-term, I want to be able to enjoy moving my body and keeping up with my future kids, I am still creating the foundation for it.
I am dealing with accepting that my expectations of 27 arent helping and trying to stop comparing my actual 27 to how I thought someone would feel at 27 and especially like in my head I kept saying this is how an old person feels, or I feel worse than my 80y/o grandma what us wrong with me. This was not helpful at all. So trying to rephrase it as some people have physical health issues, some mental health issues. Some had issues earlier in their lives some will have them later in life. I am choosing to be grateful that my body is mine, it works, it is ‘healthy’ and I can be independent and walk away and dance and get things from the top shelf without too much trouble.
I really appreciate your openness over on insta about your experiences of & approach to exercise. For most of my life I never really considered myself active or sporty, which recently I've realised was completely untrue, I've always been active and enjoyed a range of activities, but because I was always towards the back of the pack with performance there were so many stories around it not counting. I became disabled 4.5 years ago, and although I'm still working out how I can exercise sustainably with my chronic illness, the things you've shared have really encouraged me to keep trying to find a way that works for me and with where my health is at. I would love to be able to run 5k again some day, and I have no idea if it's even possible for me any more, but the attitude you've encouraged in me is one of giving things a go - maybe in a few years I'll get back there, maybe not, but if that goal helps me find ways that I enjoy moving my body that work with my disability then it doesn't matter where I end up. Thank you so much for sharing, it really has made a world of difference to me 🥰
I so needed to hear this right now! Constantly struggling with my mobility and feeling like I have to justify it! But actually it’s who I am. Thank you Michelle for always being so honest.
I used to be really slim but that changes after I had mental health issues. I had to take medication to get better but the side effect was that I've gained a lot of weight. I workout a lot and I managed to loose some weight but still I am not in the shape I used to be. I have to put up with dirty looks at the gym and comments like "you work out a lot but you're still fat". I try my best not to get upset about that and be thankful for all the amazing stuff my body does for me but sometimes it's hard to stay positive.
Similar scenario here, used to have “the perfect body” (but at the same time I had body dysmorphia) it changed in Uni due to meds for mental health and I gained a lot and even after quitting the meds continue to gain and have to be very active and train a lot to not continue gaining even though I am a vegetarian who eats nutrition dense food. People always comment when I eat like how can you be gaining weight if you eat a) the same as me b) less than me. And similar to how people can’t wrap there head around me not being fitter/slimmer given how much I work out (compared to them). I think society has ruined this for people, brainwashed almost people to thinking slim being just restricted kcal and more minutes moving your body, forgetting all the other parameters. Very frustrating. Hope it helps a little to know you are not alone in this. ❤️🩹
It is so frustrating how something, the meds, that helps and heals one’s mental health makes one’s physical appearance change so much that people see one as almost non healthy due to the new weight, but mentally I am stronger than before, healthier mentally. One Telly Doctor told me just based on my BMI (not even video or picture, solely the BMI) that I needed to go on more walks. He didn’t ask about my current daily steps, workout routine, food intake, sleep, stress levels or anything just this rude judgmental comment about me needed to walk more to get a better BMI (meaning loose weight because getting taller we all know won’t happen). Given that this was to get contraceptives, he didn’t even take into consideration (or he didn’t ask) that I don’t drink alcohol nor smoke etc which also are risk factors. I called him out on it and left a bad review.
In a work community we have been talking about DEI and one panellist said that when she fell in love with her now wife she lost one of her privileges. I definitely feel that way about gaining weight, I lost so many privileges. Fatphobia is real. But this journey made me work through and managed my BD and heal myself through a lot of self love and education (myself and others if the cross a boundary) and boundary setting, a lot of it. ❤️
I understand your frustration completely. And it's sad when doctors see you as a problem to fix and not as a person, and don't have a holistic approach. I may be chubby now but I have more appreciation for my body when I was skinny. And you can weight more but be actually healthy. Being skinny doesn't mean you're fit and happy. And we are more than just a body. I wish more people saw us fit who we are and loved us the way we are. Sending you a big hug ❤️
Read this between sets during my first gym session since catching Covid. Weights were cut in half and I’m still struggling - and all this after several months of training to get to a somewhat okay-ish point with all my autoimmune diseases dragging me down. I’m supposed to go cycling around Majorca in about a month, and all the slow preparations for that were kind of ruined by covid again. I will need to balance trying to move again and not putting myself straight into a flare-up.
I find that with my baseline being much lower than a healthy person’s, declines really sadden me.
Needed to read this. Thank you.
You aren't alone! And just remember 'something is better than nothing' and 'nothing is better than injuring yourself' - the nuance of both works wonders for me! xx
Great article Michelle. I have to allow flexibility for what my limits are on a day to day basis too and it's hard to stay positive sometimes but I'm definitely trying to appreciate what I can still do and realise my body has been through it. I had multiple chronic illnesses before getting covid and then I saw some consultants about Long Covid/post viral illness and got diagnosed with Postural Orthostatic Tachycardia Syndrome (POTS), which was causing my exercise intolerance, palpitations and breathlessness. They think I had it most of my life and covid exasperated it. I used to be very fit/sporty but would always hit a wall with how fit I could get and then would start crashing. Now I have very limited fitness and need to start gradually building it back up and it's hard explaining to people that I can't 'just' go straight back into things like they can. My point is, thanks for sharing your fitness vids and stories, as it does give me hope and encouragement and also helps me frame things more positively, rather than getting stuck xx
So glad my fitness videos and stories have helped! I totally relate to previously being sporty - I wish I didn't take it for granted back then! :)
I am currently dealing with something similar, maybe not feeling like the unfit one but feeling like my unfittest self.
I have had a very bad health year, injury after injury (left wrist, back) and then surgeries (Cervical conization due to cancer) with 2 weeks of bedrest after each and then finally when things were looking brighter I started catching different things (tonsillitis, sinusitis) each month that made it unsanitary to work out at a public gym and it would have been a stupid move to pressure myself, so more resting while on antibiotics.
This of course means that I had to sort of start over again and I basically have no core muscles, and have to do exercises for those who recently gave birth. I couldn't do any of my regular weights and it felt horrible and demotivating. My frustration was known to my surroundings hehe. So I told my PT to give me a completely new program with non of my old exercises and we decided to more than halfen my weights and only do 2 sets instead of 3-4 and only 6 reps instead of 8-12. This made me stop comparing myself (at my weakest) to my strongest self and also made me feel stronger and when something felt too easy I added weights and then reps and then eventually a set and got back (and even beat) my old personal records, while enjoying the workout and not beating on myself for not being able to keep my old standards, that is how I overcame it this time.
I am still struggling to keep up especially walking, once I cross 10k steps per day I get problems with my feet and knees. When I had guest visiting I had to tell them that after a while, first I tried keeping up and did 20k steps for 2 days but that backfired and I couldn't join any walking for a couple of days. Now I communicate sure you can walk like 2-3k steps in a row with some pauses until we reach 10k but then I can't push it so either we need to grab an uber or I will just sit somewhere in the meantime. I felt like I needed a massage after this and my visiting friend really wanted one too so one day was recovery day where we got massages and just chilled, and it was awesome.
Today I did my first Zumba class in months and I had to mentally prepare myself that I would suck and that today was all about just leaving the house and moving my body to the music. As a former dancer it is hard not to want to do it perfectly and take yourself too seriously. But I went, and yes, it felt like my head was on someone else body and when I caught myself in the mirror I felt as elegant as an elegant but I was smiling and for me that is was I focus on. I feel such joy of music and movement and this Zumba instructor he is the BEST and we laugh and I smile the entire class. And slowly I will learn some of the songs and choreographies and then I can slowly start to push myself again to really use it as a workout.
I still haven't run more than 200m since May 2023, this is my biggest challenge to overcome yet because running is really hard and heavy when you haven't don't cardio in a long time. But I will try to make it an enjoyable thing by bringing my iPad and adjusting the goal minute by minute or 100m at a time. The focus will be to improve from where I am instead of thinking how slow I am compared to last year etc. It is extremely hard for me to give myself a break but I wouldn't expect any human to just bounce back like nothing happened so I am trying really hard to have self-compassion and thinking long-term, I want to be able to enjoy moving my body and keeping up with my future kids, I am still creating the foundation for it.
I am dealing with accepting that my expectations of 27 arent helping and trying to stop comparing my actual 27 to how I thought someone would feel at 27 and especially like in my head I kept saying this is how an old person feels, or I feel worse than my 80y/o grandma what us wrong with me. This was not helpful at all. So trying to rephrase it as some people have physical health issues, some mental health issues. Some had issues earlier in their lives some will have them later in life. I am choosing to be grateful that my body is mine, it works, it is ‘healthy’ and I can be independent and walk away and dance and get things from the top shelf without too much trouble.
You've been through a lot but still making progress. Small progress is still progress
Thank you for the reminder Monika ❣️ I am still learning that progress isn’t a straight line but up and down, forward and back.
That's right 😊 Even small steps take you to your goal if you are consistent.
Thank you Tanya ❣️
I really appreciate your openness over on insta about your experiences of & approach to exercise. For most of my life I never really considered myself active or sporty, which recently I've realised was completely untrue, I've always been active and enjoyed a range of activities, but because I was always towards the back of the pack with performance there were so many stories around it not counting. I became disabled 4.5 years ago, and although I'm still working out how I can exercise sustainably with my chronic illness, the things you've shared have really encouraged me to keep trying to find a way that works for me and with where my health is at. I would love to be able to run 5k again some day, and I have no idea if it's even possible for me any more, but the attitude you've encouraged in me is one of giving things a go - maybe in a few years I'll get back there, maybe not, but if that goal helps me find ways that I enjoy moving my body that work with my disability then it doesn't matter where I end up. Thank you so much for sharing, it really has made a world of difference to me 🥰
I so needed to hear this right now! Constantly struggling with my mobility and feeling like I have to justify it! But actually it’s who I am. Thank you Michelle for always being so honest.
I used to be really slim but that changes after I had mental health issues. I had to take medication to get better but the side effect was that I've gained a lot of weight. I workout a lot and I managed to loose some weight but still I am not in the shape I used to be. I have to put up with dirty looks at the gym and comments like "you work out a lot but you're still fat". I try my best not to get upset about that and be thankful for all the amazing stuff my body does for me but sometimes it's hard to stay positive.
I really feel you in this. 💔
Similar scenario here, used to have “the perfect body” (but at the same time I had body dysmorphia) it changed in Uni due to meds for mental health and I gained a lot and even after quitting the meds continue to gain and have to be very active and train a lot to not continue gaining even though I am a vegetarian who eats nutrition dense food. People always comment when I eat like how can you be gaining weight if you eat a) the same as me b) less than me. And similar to how people can’t wrap there head around me not being fitter/slimmer given how much I work out (compared to them). I think society has ruined this for people, brainwashed almost people to thinking slim being just restricted kcal and more minutes moving your body, forgetting all the other parameters. Very frustrating. Hope it helps a little to know you are not alone in this. ❤️🩹
It is so frustrating how something, the meds, that helps and heals one’s mental health makes one’s physical appearance change so much that people see one as almost non healthy due to the new weight, but mentally I am stronger than before, healthier mentally. One Telly Doctor told me just based on my BMI (not even video or picture, solely the BMI) that I needed to go on more walks. He didn’t ask about my current daily steps, workout routine, food intake, sleep, stress levels or anything just this rude judgmental comment about me needed to walk more to get a better BMI (meaning loose weight because getting taller we all know won’t happen). Given that this was to get contraceptives, he didn’t even take into consideration (or he didn’t ask) that I don’t drink alcohol nor smoke etc which also are risk factors. I called him out on it and left a bad review.
In a work community we have been talking about DEI and one panellist said that when she fell in love with her now wife she lost one of her privileges. I definitely feel that way about gaining weight, I lost so many privileges. Fatphobia is real. But this journey made me work through and managed my BD and heal myself through a lot of self love and education (myself and others if the cross a boundary) and boundary setting, a lot of it. ❤️
I understand your frustration completely. And it's sad when doctors see you as a problem to fix and not as a person, and don't have a holistic approach. I may be chubby now but I have more appreciation for my body when I was skinny. And you can weight more but be actually healthy. Being skinny doesn't mean you're fit and happy. And we are more than just a body. I wish more people saw us fit who we are and loved us the way we are. Sending you a big hug ❤️
I think acceptance is key! Once I accepted where I was at, the comparison reduced!
I love your mindset ❤️👌