This is just the article I needed to read on my lunch break.
I am 8 weeks away from becoming a qualified counsellor, I have gone through my (highly intensive) training whilst holding down full time work, planning a wedding and getting married and starting a new job. I have just been hired as a life story worker and am employed to help tell children why they are unable to live with their birth parents- it’s incredible and they trust me with the massive privilege of doing so. I’m so proud of me! And I’m only just learning that saying that is ok!
- ps when I qualify I have decided that part of my monthly Cpd budget is going to be spent on being a paid subscriber! So thank you!
Wow that's so much to juggle! Well done you! I'm proud of you too and I actually found since I started saying "I'm proud of me", it means the other people around me actually say it more too. I think in the past I used to wait for that validation and then be upset when it hadn't come! Wow thank you so much - that means so much that you would upgrade :) M xx
I love this!!! I changed careers to Surface Pattern Design almost three years ago and I'm still in the stage of finding my audience & clients to build a consistent income BUT despite not having the income yet that backs up me being "good" at this, and while I'm always learning & improving, I am confident that I am already good enough to create professional work for clients (and have felt that way for some time.) Even though I know as I learn and grow I'll look back and see things in older designs I'd do differently, I am still really confident and happy in my work right now. I walk around shops & see things online and know my designs could fit in those commercial spaces.
What does come with that is moments of thinking am I delusional because I don't have the level of external validation yet that matches my internal confidence. But I do have people whose judgement I trust, and who wouldn't just stay nice stuff if they didn't believe it, who reassure me that my designs are the quality I think they are.
The other one that comes up a lot and annoys me so much is "self-sabotage" which pits actions that you take to keep yourself safe as the enemy, rather than something that has probably been very useful in the past but you realise now needs to change to help you move forward!
The fact you can visualise your design fitting into commercial spaces screams to me that you know your worth and what you bring to the table. When it comes to 'delusional', we delude ourselves with negative thinking all the time, so why not do it positively? You won't sound delusional when it comes true. Oooo yes, absolutely, there needs to be an understanding while self-sabotage isn't ideal, it's a coping mechanism to keep you safe and that it's your body and brain being smart and trying to help you, even if it didn't do the thing you wanted!
Successfully helped my late father execute his Will and estate and arranged his funeral all three were difficult to navigate. I am proud of myself for hanging in there against all odds at times. I know he would be proud too as he always taught me life skills and practical skills too.
Wow that is huge! That is peak adulting and I'm often told that people don't discuss the admin that surrounds death that often blocks a person's ability to grieve. I hope you've had time for both and I'm so sorry for your loss xx
I love this! I have been working on trusting the opinions of those who hire me or compliment me when I am feeling not good enough. It definitely helps, especially when you have supportive people around you.
I have earned my place at the poetry microphone. It's taken me too long to recognise my own talent, and recognise how I can share it the way I want to share it is possible. But I AM good at it. Even ones that I am not sure about, other people enjoy. I have a group of writers who are full of encouragements and useful advice to keep me improving, so not only do I deserve to be in that space, but the more I grow, the larger the space I deserve is. I am working on a manuscript to try and get published, and already have ideas for a second one. There are some phenomenal poets in my local area. And I am included in that group, even on the days I have to borrow confidence elsewhere until its my own.
Love this! I work in tech and I see a lot women in tech events that fall into the same sort of trap as those panels you've described - how to reassure ourselves that we should be here when realistically we were hired to do the same job as everyone else because we have the skills and experience it needs! There have been moments where that doubt creeps in, like when someone makes a suuuuper hilarious joke about diversity hires or implies that me being a woman meant that I was just a tick in a box, but I know now that reflects way more on them than me 🤷♀️
Also what I find funny is I expect in tech, women often get pigeonholed into "women in tech" panels but then there are many other panels that are all male and people don't consider that women can talk about things that aren't just about being a woman. It not only reflects on them but it speaks to their insecurity!
Yep! Thankfully I've found a great job & team now where I'm not pigeonholed into anything, but in my old job I was the only female tech grad in my office and it became a running joke that I was the Resident Woman in Tech because I kept getting called on to do events. I enjoyed doing them at first and I do think they're important but I did have to sit down the person who kept asking me and be like 'you do know there are other women who would love to do this right? And there might be other things that I'd want to get involved with?' 😮💨
Wow this is such a good article and really echoes what I was trying to convey. I love this quote "If everyone has it, does it exist at all? Or are we simply experiencing a kind of humility inflation? Perhaps the widespread practice of confessing self-doubt has begun to encourage—to demand, even—repeated confessions of the very experience that the original concept was trying to dissolve."
I started working at my job at 19 and went up the ladder over time. I am now in an expert position for the financial product I’ve been working with for 23 years. I used to minimize my importance and knowledge but not anymore. I know more than most of the people around me and it’s ok for me to recognize that. When I go on vacation or I’m sick, I know I will have to deal with complex situations that could not be dealt with without me and I’ve come to recognize that. I also take compliments about my work and accomplishments a lot more easily than I used to.
I totally agree and if you minimise your importance and knowledge, people might believe you! Similarly, if you toot your own horn, they will likely think that they must be good to know how good they are!
Wow, I’ve never thought about it like this! While I sometimes get a bit stressed about work and find particular conversations or moments tricky, I’m still good at it! I’m trying to keep reminding myself of that, and the fact that being in uncomfortable and challenging situations is how you grow and develop, it doesn’t mean you’re no good.
I've never thought about the Impostor Syndrome this way and now you really got me wondering: were my feelings of inadequacy and being not good enough even mine, or were they enforced on me as some part of putting all women into the same basket? I felt not good enough at my job in the past, and I think that my former boss only fueled those feelings. Lately I finally started believing in my own abilties and competences. And I'm not gonna let enough tell me that I don't belong in the room because I know what I bring to the table.
Something about the term ‘imposter syndrome’ has never sat right with me and you’ve nailed it! I recently started a new job which, although similar sector to before, is quite different and requires me to build up different skills to the ones I’ve been using most of my career so far...I’m also from a different career background to most of my colleagues. It would have been easy for me to fall into feeling ‘not good enough’ but instead I’m telling myself that 1) they’ve most likely hired me to bring in fresh ideas and perspectives and 2) I’m more than capable of learning and excelling at new things/re-learning out of date skills 🙌
This is just the article I needed to read on my lunch break.
I am 8 weeks away from becoming a qualified counsellor, I have gone through my (highly intensive) training whilst holding down full time work, planning a wedding and getting married and starting a new job. I have just been hired as a life story worker and am employed to help tell children why they are unable to live with their birth parents- it’s incredible and they trust me with the massive privilege of doing so. I’m so proud of me! And I’m only just learning that saying that is ok!
- ps when I qualify I have decided that part of my monthly Cpd budget is going to be spent on being a paid subscriber! So thank you!
Wow that's so much to juggle! Well done you! I'm proud of you too and I actually found since I started saying "I'm proud of me", it means the other people around me actually say it more too. I think in the past I used to wait for that validation and then be upset when it hadn't come! Wow thank you so much - that means so much that you would upgrade :) M xx
You go girl!👏
I love this!!! I changed careers to Surface Pattern Design almost three years ago and I'm still in the stage of finding my audience & clients to build a consistent income BUT despite not having the income yet that backs up me being "good" at this, and while I'm always learning & improving, I am confident that I am already good enough to create professional work for clients (and have felt that way for some time.) Even though I know as I learn and grow I'll look back and see things in older designs I'd do differently, I am still really confident and happy in my work right now. I walk around shops & see things online and know my designs could fit in those commercial spaces.
What does come with that is moments of thinking am I delusional because I don't have the level of external validation yet that matches my internal confidence. But I do have people whose judgement I trust, and who wouldn't just stay nice stuff if they didn't believe it, who reassure me that my designs are the quality I think they are.
The other one that comes up a lot and annoys me so much is "self-sabotage" which pits actions that you take to keep yourself safe as the enemy, rather than something that has probably been very useful in the past but you realise now needs to change to help you move forward!
The fact you can visualise your design fitting into commercial spaces screams to me that you know your worth and what you bring to the table. When it comes to 'delusional', we delude ourselves with negative thinking all the time, so why not do it positively? You won't sound delusional when it comes true. Oooo yes, absolutely, there needs to be an understanding while self-sabotage isn't ideal, it's a coping mechanism to keep you safe and that it's your body and brain being smart and trying to help you, even if it didn't do the thing you wanted!
Backwards from most recent:
Successfully helped my late father execute his Will and estate and arranged his funeral all three were difficult to navigate. I am proud of myself for hanging in there against all odds at times. I know he would be proud too as he always taught me life skills and practical skills too.
Wow that is huge! That is peak adulting and I'm often told that people don't discuss the admin that surrounds death that often blocks a person's ability to grieve. I hope you've had time for both and I'm so sorry for your loss xx
Thank you.You are right in what you say.I have been able to get back in the balance of both over the last few weeks.xxx
I love this! I have been working on trusting the opinions of those who hire me or compliment me when I am feeling not good enough. It definitely helps, especially when you have supportive people around you.
I have earned my place at the poetry microphone. It's taken me too long to recognise my own talent, and recognise how I can share it the way I want to share it is possible. But I AM good at it. Even ones that I am not sure about, other people enjoy. I have a group of writers who are full of encouragements and useful advice to keep me improving, so not only do I deserve to be in that space, but the more I grow, the larger the space I deserve is. I am working on a manuscript to try and get published, and already have ideas for a second one. There are some phenomenal poets in my local area. And I am included in that group, even on the days I have to borrow confidence elsewhere until its my own.
I love that for you! You are one of the many phenomenal poets in your area! I've always been in awe of poets - it's such magic with words!
Thank you!
Love this! I work in tech and I see a lot women in tech events that fall into the same sort of trap as those panels you've described - how to reassure ourselves that we should be here when realistically we were hired to do the same job as everyone else because we have the skills and experience it needs! There have been moments where that doubt creeps in, like when someone makes a suuuuper hilarious joke about diversity hires or implies that me being a woman meant that I was just a tick in a box, but I know now that reflects way more on them than me 🤷♀️
Also what I find funny is I expect in tech, women often get pigeonholed into "women in tech" panels but then there are many other panels that are all male and people don't consider that women can talk about things that aren't just about being a woman. It not only reflects on them but it speaks to their insecurity!
Yep! Thankfully I've found a great job & team now where I'm not pigeonholed into anything, but in my old job I was the only female tech grad in my office and it became a running joke that I was the Resident Woman in Tech because I kept getting called on to do events. I enjoyed doing them at first and I do think they're important but I did have to sit down the person who kept asking me and be like 'you do know there are other women who would love to do this right? And there might be other things that I'd want to get involved with?' 😮💨
https://www.newyorker.com/magazine/2023/02/13/the-dubious-rise-of-impostor-syndrome
This article is really good, explains how concept has been misappropriated and ties in to what yiu have been saying!
Wow this is such a good article and really echoes what I was trying to convey. I love this quote "If everyone has it, does it exist at all? Or are we simply experiencing a kind of humility inflation? Perhaps the widespread practice of confessing self-doubt has begun to encourage—to demand, even—repeated confessions of the very experience that the original concept was trying to dissolve."
I started working at my job at 19 and went up the ladder over time. I am now in an expert position for the financial product I’ve been working with for 23 years. I used to minimize my importance and knowledge but not anymore. I know more than most of the people around me and it’s ok for me to recognize that. When I go on vacation or I’m sick, I know I will have to deal with complex situations that could not be dealt with without me and I’ve come to recognize that. I also take compliments about my work and accomplishments a lot more easily than I used to.
I totally agree and if you minimise your importance and knowledge, people might believe you! Similarly, if you toot your own horn, they will likely think that they must be good to know how good they are!
Wow, I’ve never thought about it like this! While I sometimes get a bit stressed about work and find particular conversations or moments tricky, I’m still good at it! I’m trying to keep reminding myself of that, and the fact that being in uncomfortable and challenging situations is how you grow and develop, it doesn’t mean you’re no good.
Absolutely this! You wouldn't be human if doubts didn't trickle in sometimes but who says those doubts have any truth to them?
I've never thought about the Impostor Syndrome this way and now you really got me wondering: were my feelings of inadequacy and being not good enough even mine, or were they enforced on me as some part of putting all women into the same basket? I felt not good enough at my job in the past, and I think that my former boss only fueled those feelings. Lately I finally started believing in my own abilties and competences. And I'm not gonna let enough tell me that I don't belong in the room because I know what I bring to the table.
Something about the term ‘imposter syndrome’ has never sat right with me and you’ve nailed it! I recently started a new job which, although similar sector to before, is quite different and requires me to build up different skills to the ones I’ve been using most of my career so far...I’m also from a different career background to most of my colleagues. It would have been easy for me to fall into feeling ‘not good enough’ but instead I’m telling myself that 1) they’ve most likely hired me to bring in fresh ideas and perspectives and 2) I’m more than capable of learning and excelling at new things/re-learning out of date skills 🙌