My Book Proposal Got Rejected... Now What?

We rarely lift the lid on the publishing journey and therefore it's easy to get the illusion that a four-time author only has wins. That's just not the case so let's talk about it.

Hey friends,

Life’s been a little weird lately. I have three proposals out in the world at the moment all for different areas of my job and I am waiting to hear back on another big thing when it comes to my career so we are in the waiting zone and well… I am not the most patient person so instead of thinking about all the many many things out of my control, I’m choosing to maximise the quietness and use it as a restorative period because if even two of these go ahead, my year will get busy very quickly. In the midst of all of this, I’ve got some bad news that I won’t be working with the publishers of The Joy of Being Selfish and The Selfish Romantic again but more on that later. I guess a job like mine is quite strange because I have no clue what the rest of this year will look like until I hear back on all these things. It’s also why I struggled to set any career goals at the beginning of this year because everything is up in the air. If I look at it optimistically, my world is full of potential at the moment and if it’s a bad day, well then my world is lacking answers and is packed full of uncertainty. Time will tell!

My first of many Chinese New Year meals! This was taken on the first day of Chinese New Year but did you know celebrations can last up to two weeks… at least if it’s done right! My celebrations are only just about wrapping up now

This week I am sharing with you:

• Why I’m Not Staying With My Old Publishers

• How To Stay Connected and Productive in Conflict

• Behind The Scenes of our Valentine’s Day Plans

• The Importance Of Putting Yourself Out There

• Something I’ve Found To Improve My Sleep

• What I Do When I’ve Lost Confidence In My Writing

• My New Favourite Hobby

Why I’m Not Staying With My Old Publishers

As you know, I wanted to start being more open about the publishing process because I don’t think it’s helpful for budding authors (and even people who are already authors) to have the perception that it’s all smooth sailing as that is rarely the case. I mentioned before I am pitching a friendship breakup book and as per my contract, my old publisher gets first approval of the next book I write. How that works is that they see the proposal first and get the opportunity to make an offer before anyone else even sees it. It also means I need to either accept or reject the offer before going out. I’ve done this twice. After my first book, I pitched a second book that was called Body Confidence Bible, they made an offer and I rejected it and went out wider and as you can probably predict, as you’ve never heard of the book or that title, I didn’t ended up getting a deal. Then after The Joy of Being Selfish, my publisher had first approval so they saw The Selfish Romantic first and I wanted to work with them again and the advance was the amount I wanted and so I accepted. This time, again, things are different. Since The Selfish Romantic, a lot of change has happened, my old publisher has been bought by another company, my editor has gone on maternity leave, my agent changed agencies and so I had to as well and the imprint I was at now only does illustrated books. A lot of change considering The Selfish Romantic only came out last year and well, my book is a narrative non-fiction so they couldn’t accept it now that they only do illustrated books which means for the first time since 2018, I am going out wider. I’m not really seeing it as a rejection because they couldn’t have accepted it even if they wanted to, and whilst it is a ‘no’, it is by no means the end of the process and I’m hopeful that it will find a home. I believe it is such an important book and that we really need an in-depth conversation about friendship breakups and I’m hoping I’m going to look back on this phase of the journey and think it was all for the best. Going out wider to all publishers is a risky step as it means you might not find a deal, but as with most things, higher risk can mean higher reward because it can be a bit like how changing jobs more often means a higher salary. How that works in the book world is if you go out wider, you have the chance of more than one publisher wanting it and if you get an auction or a bidding war, that’s how your advance can climb quite quickly. Ultimately though, I’ve always been the loyal kind of author and I don’t like moving unless I have to. I’m actually quite sad to leave my old publisher, when you work with a team for three years, you get used to the way things are but this seems to be a time in my life that is packed full of change and so I’m embracing it! My proposal goes out to all other publishers this week so wish me luck!

How To Reassure Each Other During A Fight

Fights are going to happen both in romantic relationships and in platonic ones and if don’t learn how to have the hard conversations, it becomes all too tempting to cut and run instead of choosing the more vulnerable (and more risky!) route of sticking it out. One of the most important things about fighting is no threats to leave/divorce/break-up. If you decide to break up, that’s a separate conversation and shouldn’t be done in the heat of an argument. By making these threats though, you don’t resolve the original issue and you add more to the pile because it will trigger any past issues around abandonment which can derail the conversation. In the world of pop psychology, those who have avoidant types often get demonised but the reality is we are all capable of having avoidant behaviour and if that is the case, when you get scared in conflict, you might shut down, say you don’t care or even say hurtful words. On the other end of the spectrum, those who might lean more towards anxious behaviour, might worry that the relationship is over, that they are going to be abandoned or that they should just bury the issue at the risk of losing the other person. I personally don’t like labels so no matter where you sit on the spectrum, reassurance mid-argument can really help reassure both parties. One of the easiest ways you can do this is with physical touch like holding each other’s hand mid-conversation as a reminder that you still care about each other. Saying that too can be helpful, along with ‘I want to resolve this’ or ‘I just want to say I love you very much and we will work through this’. Having a me and you vs. the problem mentality means that both parties can feel that you are working together and sometimes the best way to reassure each other is to ask for a pause, restate the intention of the conversation, hug and start again.

A little Valentine’s Surprise

The last time we spoke was the morning of Valentine’s Day and whilst most the day was spent alone in my office typing away because alas V day isn’t a national holiday yet, we did create something cute in the evening. I made focaccia as a surprise (more on that later!) and he made fresh pasta and syrup sponge so we clearly were on the same length. My boyfriend doesn’t love going out on Valentine’s Day and is against the moral principle of paying more just because it is a certain day and I kinda agree with him so we always tend to do something staying in but with a special twist. We have never made pasta before so we went a little thick but it was such a bonding experience and also didn’t realise how easy making pasta is! As much as I don’t see us making pasta often, it was so sweet to put that extra little bit of effort! Syrup sponge is my favourite dessert and the whole of UK seem to have collectively decided to remove it off all menus in favour of sticky toffee pudding and despite how many people insist that it’s basically the same, it is NOT. My boyfriend had never steamed a pudding before so it was a new experience for him and then we ended the night with a board game! If you read the last love letter, you will know Wingspan is our current fave. And to dispel the myth of perfect relationships, and to add a little bit of honesty too, we also got into an argument on Valentine’s Day because unfortunately, it’s not immune to the pressures that affect people living together every other day of the year.

Cold-emailing and Why It’s Important

Very rarely in my job do I have to cold email and pitch myself but this morning has been a whole morning of doing so. Trying to stand out in anyone’s inbox when we are all struggling with too many emails is a hard feat and when I was midway through the list of emails I wanted to send, I found myself wondering what the point was. In order to send the rest, I took a pause, reminded myself why I am doing this, imagined my future as if all of these emails worked out and I was telling someone in ten years ‘oh we started working together because I sent them an email one day’. I know this can work because how I found my first literary agent was simply by googling and sending her an email and within a month, my life had changed and I had got a book deal. Obviously sending cold emails also put me out there for rejection but ultimately, it’s a good exercise in learning how to back myself even more than I already do. The fact is I have never got an opportunity that didn’t also come with rejection but when I receive a no, I just see it as one step closer towards the yes that I need.

Adventures in Mouth Taping

Last year I read Breath by James Nestor and started dabbling in mouth taping. If you have not heard of it, it is the idea that we should be breathing through our nose and when we breath through our mouth, we get more stressed and the quality of our sleep is decreased. I say I ‘dabbled’ in it because I didn’t properly invest, I just found some random tape in the house, played around with it for a few nights and found a small improvement in my snoring but to be honest, got put off by the whole thing for a very silly reason. When I posted about it on Instagram, so many people sent me DMs saying my boyfriend was abusive for making me do that. To be clear, he had nothing to do with it. It was my suggestion, I was the one who learned about it and I was the one who wanted to improve my snoring because I do believe if you snore, it impacts your quality of sleep and yet somehow people inferred that I was being shamed for my snoring by my boyfriend. And honestly, you wonder why I don’t want to share his face on the internet so anyway, I sacked it all of as I was just playing with something new. Since then, my snoring disappeared only to reappear with a vengeance after I got Covid in November and then ill in January again. It’s fine when we are at home because my boyfriend just goes to the other room and again, to be very clear, he doesn’t mind doing that but when we were in Warsaw, he couldn’t go anywhere and despite him insisting he was fine, his multiple yawns said otherwise and I do feel guilty but not because of anything he has said but more so, because I love my sleep and I would find it hard to constantly have interrupted sleep. Since he stayed in Warsaw the rest of the week without me, I tried it last week and wow, I didn’t realise how much my sleep has improved. Not only that but I ache less in the morning. I spoke to my physiotherapist about it and he said it was because if you breathe through your mouth, I am likely tensing my shoulders and back and that’s why I wake up achey in the morning. In my mind, the reason why trying mouth taping last year and this year was so different was two things. The first is that this time, I actually bought proper mouth tape with the good material that doesn’t pull the skin on your lips off. The second is that last year I was snoring through my nose but this year, the problem actually had been my mouth. I was sleeping with my mouth wide open and waking up multiple times a night with a dry mouth. The last week I have been sleeping the same amount (and sometimes even less!), waking up without an alarm and jumping out of bed. I’m hoping to not have to do it long term but that instead my body will teach itself to breathe through my nose. The lack of stiffness in my back and shoulders is such a relief too and my physio actually suggested mouth taping at any point when I am at rest (so typing on a computer or watching TV) so I’m doing it right now!

I have to remind myself I can write

As I mentioned at the beginning, I have submitted three proposals in a very VERY short space of time and therefore, there has been a lot of writing because even though only one of them is a book proposal, the irony is for other projects, you still have to write. Even though I’m an author of four books, there is something weird that happens anytime I start a new project. I forget I have ever written a proposal before, written a book or even an essay. It’s like a weird version of amnesia and I’ve heard other authors who are mums compare it to the amnesia around child birth, like you vaguely recall the pain of it but yet you are still doing it again. I’ve found a hack though. I read a chapter of one of my old books. (If you don’t have any books, read an old essay you’ve written). When I read one of my books, my mentality goes from ‘I don’t know how to do this, I don’t know where to start’ to ‘wow, this is really good’. It might be the distance from it, after all I published my first book 6 years ago and finished it 3 years before that but it somehow doesn’t feel like I wrote it. I am able to be impressed by it from a distanced state and then when I remind myself ‘no, that was actually me. I actually wrote that’, it’s the most empowering thing. Whatever your technique is to remind yourself how good you are, I recommend it. Be impressed by yourself and your own accomplishments. And the funny thing is, I can write all of that and also accept that someone in the world will read the same chapter and think that it’s rubbish writing but doesn’t that make it more important? Make it your top priority to impress yourself, even if the rest of the world doesn’t understand the hype.

My New Favourite Hobby!

Just me in my housewife era, waking up on Sunday morning and popping fresh dough in the oven for breakfast

I know, I know, I’m late to the bread making hype but better late than never! How I ended up making focaccia on Valentine’s Day was actually because of a Christmas present. For Christmas, my boyfriend got me expensive olive oil - if you haven’t figured out by now, we are huge foodies! In fact, when my boyfriend told his colleagues that he was getting me olive oil for Christmas they looked at him like he was crazy and told him to spend that money on jewellery but it actually was the perfect present for me! It was something that wouldn’t have bought myself and also wouldn’t have thought of myself! Since Christmas though, I’ve been looking for nice bread to use with my nice olive oil and our local M&S used to do this lovely focaccia but have now replaced it with sourdough focaccia. Sourdough isn’t my vibe and since there doesn’t seem to be any decent local bakeries in our area, I started to look up how hard making focaccia was. Turns out it is one of the easiest to make which is convenient since it’s my favourite. Well since then, I have made focaccia three more times. I have yet to perfect it but I have now turned into the kind of person who shows up with bread when I go to someone’s house and I’m embracing it! Couldn’t recommend more! And we’ve now made quite the dent in my special olive oil.

How’s your week going? Update me in the comment section!

Lots of love,

M xx