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May 12, 2023Liked by Michelle Elman

I didn't feel chemistry with the guy and I told him we would be better off as friends. It's been 9 years ago and we still keep in touch, checking on each other now and then.

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deletedMay 12, 2023Liked by Michelle Elman
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I love both these stories! It really speaks to the fact you can have a connection without having a romantic one!

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May 12, 2023Liked by Michelle Elman

I say thank you for the lovely date/dates and explain why I don’t want to go forward romantically. Sometimes they agree and sometimes they don’t but I’ve never had anyone be rude or disrespectful after letting them know I feel. I think its good to be honest and speak to someone how I would want to be spoken to. It was really uncomfortable at first but now I just realise its showing someone respect and cutting to the chase rather than having the horrible guessing games.

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I truly believe it's about respect and similarly, the worst response I got was someone saying 'lol whatever', which was childish but not particularly rude haha

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Cheeky bugger 😂

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I recently said something like "I dont think we are compatible and I am not able to give you the romantic relationship or connection you seek. Wishing you good luck and take care!" It worked out fine. I didnt tell him precisely why we werent compatible and that is something I've been wondering about - do I explain where he didnt fit the bill or not? Well, he didnt ask for clarification, so I think it is fine.

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Funnily enough, I just replied about this to the above person. I don' think specifics are ever needed unless someone asks because your specifics will only be related to you. For example, if you think they were boring, it doesn't mean they were, it means they were boring TO YOU so it doesn't help them in future relationships, it only creates insecurity. If they ask, I tend to just stick to the fact we are incompatible because it's the truth, there is nothing wrong with you or me, there is just something not working with us together

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I love this one 💖

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I had a great conversation but no romance with someone I dated a few times. We communicated that we need time apart before reconnecting as friends.

Being open really worked for us and we learn so much from each other

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May 12, 2023·edited May 12, 2023

Many years ago, far before my personal journey of understanding myself better, I realized I cared for my bf of 4 years but I didn’t love him the way I wanted to love someone I was on the cusp of getting engaged to. I called him that night and told him straight forward. He didn’t believe me and I had to rinse and repeat the next day. I didn’t need to travel 6 hours to him or make him travel to me to break up with him, but I also didn’t need to dance around it or do it through text or an email. Tried to remain friends but his prior wife had cheated on him and he was SURE I had too and spent our chats sniffing for information and looking for the lie so I cut that off as well. Met a guy a few months later and we’ve been together 15 years now.

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If it's a no after first meeting, I go along the lines of 'It was great to meet you, I had a fab time! I don't know about you, but I don't think we had romantic vibes? It was a good laugh but I think if we're gonna hang out again it would be as friends'. This way, you highlight that you enjoyed engaging with them and open the opportunity for them to agree/have their say whilst setting the tone for being friendly and only potentially having a friendship. If I've had a few dates with someone, it'd be pretty similar but I would stress the 'I've really enjoyed getting to know you, but I don't feel like we have the connection needed to see each other romantically.' Light-hearted, it ain't a break up!

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This has made me realise I’ve never actually ended things with someone I was dating as opposed to in a relationship with. And I’ve only once had someone I’d been chatting to and been on a date with communicate that they didn’t see it going anywhere. All others have either moved to something more serious and eventually ended or they’ve ghosted or something in between. 😅

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deletedMay 12, 2023Liked by Michelle Elman
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I love this! I always think break up texts never have to say anything more. Leave the constructive criticism for someone who actually wants to date them haha

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deletedMay 12, 2023Liked by Michelle Elman
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I always say, you are just communicating a decision, it's not a discussion. If you've been dating longer and you are actually wanting a discussion, then that's where it might be appropriate to give specifics but with the intention of their behaviour changing to stay in the relationship

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