The idea that work should be our priority above all else is so ingrained in our culture we don't even think twice - but as soon as you stop and think you realise how ridiculous it is that we congratulate people for prioritising productivity over everything else in life, and see it as a weakness to prioritise your health, relationships and general enjoyment of life. I lost my career due to chronic health issues a few years ago, and while there are some downsides (mostly losing financial comfort!) the upsides far outweigh it - before I would leave for work before my daughter woke up and get to see her for 2 hours in the evening, now as I build a different career I can be flexible, we have mornings together & I pick her up from school, and I can be there whenever she needs me. I can't even imagine this not being the way I parent now, the way I was living my life before feels so alien - but back then it felt like there was no other way! My husband also works flexibly from home, and I'm so happy my daughter is growing up in an environment where relationships come first and work isn't everything!
Also I think it's so important to recognise that with many people they work for a company where you are SO replaceable. You are NOT replaceable to your loved ones so that should be taken care of the most!
Yes!!! And despite this the pressure from job ads through to doing the job itself to put it above all else, as if not being willing to so that is a flaw, despite the fact so many companies will never prioritise what's best for you unless it's good for them too (without realising that maybe happier employees actually are better for the bottom line long-term!)
I’ve been struggling with this recently, as the man of my dreams came to me six months ago and has completely changed my life for the better. However, I feel guilty not racing to work, taking weekend trips, not staying hours later at the office because I want more time with him. Glad to know I’m not alone.
Also don’t be fooled into thinking that I didn’t have guilt too! I felt a lot of shame around not being independent enough and it took my life coach saying “Michelle, you’ve wanted this for years, enjoy it!”
controversial indeed, lol. This really has to be a very nuanced topic, myself and women friends of mine have let our projects go just because we fell in love. I know that's not what you're talking about, and I'm super glad that didn't happen to you, but I can totally see me and my friends say "people are more important than a job!" while giving up our what sustain us, even our hobbies. This is not a criticism, just an added nuance that I feel needs to be voiced in a world where women still feel the need to be saved and will get blinded and sidetracked just because they fell in love and then find themselves divorced and jobless and moneyless because they relinquished responsibility of their own lives and called it love.
"Maybe we should start questioning a culture that encourages us to not be that way. People should matter more than money. People should matter more than productivity and yes, people should matter more than work"
As an anti-feminist it makes me all warm and fuzzy to hear such sentiments :) For decades we have been pointing out that post feminist culture is far less accommodating to women than the pre feminist culture ever was. The hard biological reality is that all-consuming careers will always be more suited to men. Just as women are designed to provide resources to babies, men are designed to provide resources to women. It's just the natural order of things. It doesn't mean every woman has to be a trad wife all her life, but let's not forget that the feminist invention of the 'ambitious career driven woman' is essentially a trad husband in heels, and this is why it often causes so much discomfort and stress (or just plain exhaustion)... or just leaves women feeling hollow and unsatisfied.
Before feminism men and women were not defined as rivals in competition with each other, but as two halves of a whole. A married couple WERE their own business enterprise, and they maximised their potential by sticking to their biological strengths and supporting each other's weaknesses.
Before feminism ruined everything even a blue collar man could support an entire family on his wages alone. This gave his wife OPTIONS. Not least the privilege of being able to focus on motherhood and raise her children, instead of being forced to hand them over to strangers each day. And she still had the option of dropping in and out of the paid workforce when it suited, or when they wanted some extra income.
The main complaint of women in the post war era was not oppression but BOREDOM, because mod cons suddenly gave them so much free time. If feminism had not convinced them to start identifying as men (because obviously being a feminine woman is so degrading and valueless!), who knows what kind of amazing people-centred society we would have today....
Whoa Michelle, I needed that article! Over the past 2 years I've been prioritizng work over dating. In my 20s I dated a lot but I had a tendency to build my plans and dreams around ambitions of the guy who I was currently dating. As most of this relationships or situationships didn't last, I started to think that the only person I can rely on when it comes to making my dreams come true is myself. I've been so focused on upgrading my career than my social life began to suffer. I'm not saying just dating, but my friends and family didn't get to see me as often as they needed to. And now I've met this amazing, driven man who works on his goals, but also helps me grow and work on my dreams. I still believe that dreams don't work unless I do, but now I know that it is good to have a strong support system. I've realized that you can have it all- your career and amazing love and social life- if you learn to balance it out. As you said, success doesn't taste that sweet if you have no one to celebrate with. What's the point of making lots of money, if you don't have time to enjoy your life? I want to collect good memories with people I care about. I will still strive to reach my goals, but I will do this on my terms, without participating in this mad rat race.
Thank you for this article, Michelle! ♥️ I needed that!
Love love love this. Especially that last paragraph - so special. Im 35 and apart from one year, have been single my whole adult life. I actually really hate the idea that people might think of me as a career woman to the point of that being a reason im single - its just that my career has gone better than my love life. The good thing about that is, i am so ready to prioritise someone who deserves it (excellent point well made Michelle!) so that I know I've given my love life the same shot I've given my career for it to be successful
Love this! But also, how has it been 2 years!
I know! Tell me about it 😅
The idea that work should be our priority above all else is so ingrained in our culture we don't even think twice - but as soon as you stop and think you realise how ridiculous it is that we congratulate people for prioritising productivity over everything else in life, and see it as a weakness to prioritise your health, relationships and general enjoyment of life. I lost my career due to chronic health issues a few years ago, and while there are some downsides (mostly losing financial comfort!) the upsides far outweigh it - before I would leave for work before my daughter woke up and get to see her for 2 hours in the evening, now as I build a different career I can be flexible, we have mornings together & I pick her up from school, and I can be there whenever she needs me. I can't even imagine this not being the way I parent now, the way I was living my life before feels so alien - but back then it felt like there was no other way! My husband also works flexibly from home, and I'm so happy my daughter is growing up in an environment where relationships come first and work isn't everything!
Also I think it's so important to recognise that with many people they work for a company where you are SO replaceable. You are NOT replaceable to your loved ones so that should be taken care of the most!
That is sooo true!
Yes!!! And despite this the pressure from job ads through to doing the job itself to put it above all else, as if not being willing to so that is a flaw, despite the fact so many companies will never prioritise what's best for you unless it's good for them too (without realising that maybe happier employees actually are better for the bottom line long-term!)
I’ve been struggling with this recently, as the man of my dreams came to me six months ago and has completely changed my life for the better. However, I feel guilty not racing to work, taking weekend trips, not staying hours later at the office because I want more time with him. Glad to know I’m not alone.
Also don’t be fooled into thinking that I didn’t have guilt too! I felt a lot of shame around not being independent enough and it took my life coach saying “Michelle, you’ve wanted this for years, enjoy it!”
Absolutely! I also see it as not choosing a man but choosing a relationship over your career 👏🏻
This is so true - it just gets twisted when talked about on social media!
controversial indeed, lol. This really has to be a very nuanced topic, myself and women friends of mine have let our projects go just because we fell in love. I know that's not what you're talking about, and I'm super glad that didn't happen to you, but I can totally see me and my friends say "people are more important than a job!" while giving up our what sustain us, even our hobbies. This is not a criticism, just an added nuance that I feel needs to be voiced in a world where women still feel the need to be saved and will get blinded and sidetracked just because they fell in love and then find themselves divorced and jobless and moneyless because they relinquished responsibility of their own lives and called it love.
"Maybe we should start questioning a culture that encourages us to not be that way. People should matter more than money. People should matter more than productivity and yes, people should matter more than work"
As an anti-feminist it makes me all warm and fuzzy to hear such sentiments :) For decades we have been pointing out that post feminist culture is far less accommodating to women than the pre feminist culture ever was. The hard biological reality is that all-consuming careers will always be more suited to men. Just as women are designed to provide resources to babies, men are designed to provide resources to women. It's just the natural order of things. It doesn't mean every woman has to be a trad wife all her life, but let's not forget that the feminist invention of the 'ambitious career driven woman' is essentially a trad husband in heels, and this is why it often causes so much discomfort and stress (or just plain exhaustion)... or just leaves women feeling hollow and unsatisfied.
Before feminism men and women were not defined as rivals in competition with each other, but as two halves of a whole. A married couple WERE their own business enterprise, and they maximised their potential by sticking to their biological strengths and supporting each other's weaknesses.
Before feminism ruined everything even a blue collar man could support an entire family on his wages alone. This gave his wife OPTIONS. Not least the privilege of being able to focus on motherhood and raise her children, instead of being forced to hand them over to strangers each day. And she still had the option of dropping in and out of the paid workforce when it suited, or when they wanted some extra income.
The main complaint of women in the post war era was not oppression but BOREDOM, because mod cons suddenly gave them so much free time. If feminism had not convinced them to start identifying as men (because obviously being a feminine woman is so degrading and valueless!), who knows what kind of amazing people-centred society we would have today....
Whoa Michelle, I needed that article! Over the past 2 years I've been prioritizng work over dating. In my 20s I dated a lot but I had a tendency to build my plans and dreams around ambitions of the guy who I was currently dating. As most of this relationships or situationships didn't last, I started to think that the only person I can rely on when it comes to making my dreams come true is myself. I've been so focused on upgrading my career than my social life began to suffer. I'm not saying just dating, but my friends and family didn't get to see me as often as they needed to. And now I've met this amazing, driven man who works on his goals, but also helps me grow and work on my dreams. I still believe that dreams don't work unless I do, but now I know that it is good to have a strong support system. I've realized that you can have it all- your career and amazing love and social life- if you learn to balance it out. As you said, success doesn't taste that sweet if you have no one to celebrate with. What's the point of making lots of money, if you don't have time to enjoy your life? I want to collect good memories with people I care about. I will still strive to reach my goals, but I will do this on my terms, without participating in this mad rat race.
Thank you for this article, Michelle! ♥️ I needed that!
Love love love this. Especially that last paragraph - so special. Im 35 and apart from one year, have been single my whole adult life. I actually really hate the idea that people might think of me as a career woman to the point of that being a reason im single - its just that my career has gone better than my love life. The good thing about that is, i am so ready to prioritise someone who deserves it (excellent point well made Michelle!) so that I know I've given my love life the same shot I've given my career for it to be successful
I love that my boyfriend can WFH! It creates so much more balance to be able to see each other during the day!