6 Comments
Mar 15, 2023Liked by Michelle Elman

Housemate issues vs relationship issues; that is worth gold! We are the same, we don’t disagree on values or relationship issues, it’s about chores etc. This viewpoint 👏

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Mar 15, 2023Liked by Michelle Elman

In the past I did the exact thing that you did, Michelle. I brushed things under the carpet, took the blame and diminished my own needs and feelings, because I was afraid that once I start an argument, I would be a game over.

Currently I don't have a boyfriend but I have a very close male friend and our bond keeps getting closer and closer (and I definitely have romantic feelings towards him). What I've changed about our communication whilst there is a conflict is saying "when you do X, I feel Y". In the past when he crossed my boundary, instead of explaining and asking for a change in his behaviour, I made him feel like a bad guy. He told me that sometimes it felt as if I was condemning him as a person.

I was also guilty of throwing unsolicited advice at him everytime he had a hard time. It left him feeling like in my eyes he is incapable of dealing with his stuff on his own. Now I ask him if he wants to vents, needs some time alone, needs a distraction or should we brainstorm some solutions.

That changes really helped us communicate better and elevated our relation to another level.

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