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In the past I did the exact thing that you did, Michelle. I brushed things under the carpet, took the blame and diminished my own needs and feelings, because I was afraid that once I start an argument, I would be a game over.

Currently I don't have a boyfriend but I have a very close male friend and our bond keeps getting closer and closer (and I definitely have romantic feelings towards him). What I've changed about our communication whilst there is a conflict is saying "when you do X, I feel Y". In the past when he crossed my boundary, instead of explaining and asking for a change in his behaviour, I made him feel like a bad guy. He told me that sometimes it felt as if I was condemning him as a person.

I was also guilty of throwing unsolicited advice at him everytime he had a hard time. It left him feeling like in my eyes he is incapable of dealing with his stuff on his own. Now I ask him if he wants to vents, needs some time alone, needs a distraction or should we brainstorm some solutions.

That changes really helped us communicate better and elevated our relation to another level.

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What brilliant boundaries! And I love the XYZ model of communication too! Shows that even if it doesn’t evolve into something romantic, you can take the communication improvements and apply it to your whole life

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Thank you 😊 I totally agree!

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March 15, 2023
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And if that's all you are arguing about, I think it's pretty good going considering all the ways two humans could be incompatible in terms of values/morals! xx

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When my now wife and I moved in together after a year of dating (this was 21 years ago), we definitely had housemate issues!! She had never ever had a roommate before, so there was a lot of turbulence (*love that word*) re expectations, sharing and balance. So glad we stuck with it. 20 years later we still have some disagreements about chores, but our relationship is incredibly strong.

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