I'm tired.
I'm taking a break and here's what's been going on.
Hey loves,
This year has been a lot, hasn’t it? Everyone I know is tired and going through something big at the moment and I’m no different. Since I always tell you that you don’t need a breakdown to have a break, I’m taking my own advice and I’m hitting pause on Substack for a bit. That’s the short story, at least but here’s the long story.
As most of you know, I take a long digital detox over the Christmas period for 2-3 weeks and it has become essential to my longevity as an influencer and creator. Except last year I didn’t because The Selfish Romantic was coming out on 5th January and because it was a book so close to my heart, I knew I wanted to do everything in my power to make it a success! In my mind, it was fine because I was going to take my digital detox at another point in the year and whilst I did and had a digital detox in late January, it wasn’t the same because what I realised is the difference between a digital detox at Christmas and another time of year is that everyone else is off too so you aren’t coming back to a mountain of work when you come back.
So we are doing things differently this year! This year, The Selfish Romantic is coming out in paperback on 4th January and whilst there is a piece of me that wants to be online to promote it heavily, I’m tapping out instead. I am going into surrender mode, whatever happens happens. I will promote it as much as I can before I take time off but if you want it, I’ve told you and if you don’t, that’s OK too. By now, you should all know that my dating book exists and that I love it with all my heart and I genuinely think it’s my best book yet. It coming out in paperback means it is easier to carry around, lighter and also cheaper so if that’s what sways you to purchase it, go for it! I do think it would be a great book to start the year with and also I’m not going to exhaust myself trying to convince people!
Speaking of exhaustion, I think a lot of it is down to others having bad work boundaries. As I say to you all the time, you can only set boundaries so many times without consequences and no matter how many times I set out clearly that I was not to be contacted for the next week and I was willing to lose work and that nothing in social media is important enough or urgent enough, my boundaries were still being crossed and so the consequence was that I had to end some working relationships. This year has been a tumultuous one for my work, I have changed management twice and my literary agent of 7 years moved to a new agency and wanted to focus on fiction which means finding a new literary home. I have had little consistency in my work life this year and that has been more difficult than I expected. Trying to find a new team to support me has taken up a lot of my time and energy. It’s felt like a lot of the year I have been on pause because I was either waiting for a termination contract to end or taking meetings to find someone new. In the end, I have decided I don’t want to rush my next steps and so for the first time since 2019, I am managing myself! And wow, the amount of admin I now have to do has gone through the roof!
All that combined with the fact that I’ve been on a health journey recovering from long Covid, only to get it again three weeks ago and this time, it’s less my energy and more brain fog which has put a stop to my writing. I pushed through long covid last time because I had two book deadlines and I don’t want to do that this time so all the book proposals that I was preparing to send out before the end of the year have been paused and to be honest, even writing my Substack has been difficult.
Saying all of that, I have every intention of coming back to Substack after the holiday, I just want this Christmas period to be one where I can take it fully off so I’m pausing all billing. For those that don’t know, I can do this from the back-end so none of you will be charged for the period I am off and for those of you who have bought annual subscriptions, these months will not count towards them. I want to really thank all of you who have got behind the paid subscription this year. All the work changes have understandably meant I have taken a hit financially this year and although none of you knew that, and just supported out of the goodness of your heart, it meant the world that I had something to fall back on.
It’s been strange for me to charge for content after years of creating free content and it’s been wonderful to see the community growing and developing on here. I am seeing a lot of my fellow creators change career paths, burn out or go back to 9-5 and every time another announces they are leaving, I get it. This is an easy job compared to most but there is still too much working for free that is happening and as a result, that isn’t sustainable. There must be another way for this industry to adapt as more people enter it and I just don’t think the solution is overextending yourself to be relevant enough to still get work. I’m hopeful with it being such a new industry that it will find its way to do things better and I definitely think Substack is a piece of that!
The final thing I want to say is that I know Christmas is hard for a lot of people and if that’s you, then please take care of yourself. Pretend it’s just an ordinary Monday if that makes it easier for you and it’s your Christmas so do it YOUR way. You can spend Christmas alone if your family make you miserable. You can order takeout if you hate Turkey. You can leave conversations where you are being judged and insulted and you don’t have to see anyone you don’t want to. Whilst I might not be in your Substack inboxes, keep my ethos in your head anytime anyone tries to force you to do anything at this time of year in the name of Christmas. You have got to look after yourself and it’s totally OK if you want to give Christmas a miss this year! You get to pick which holidays matter to you and it’s OK if this one doesn’t.
I know parasocial relationships are weird and even though I don’t know you, I do have a lot of love for you as a collective. Is that weird to say? When I create content or write anything on Substack, I have a vision of who it is I am talking to and just by being interested in my work, who I picture on the receiving end of a letter like this is someone who works so hard to be their best self. I picture you all as people who try so hard to make the most of life and that’s why you are investing in learning and growing and so if I have hit the nail on the head when it comes to that, I want you to give yourself a break. Please acknowledge all the growth that has already happened and how much you have done this year and now give yourself some time to breathe. Make time for joy, peace and fun over December and into January and I will speak to you all very soon :)
Lots of love,
M xx
PS I have loved writing to you like I am writing a letter to a pen pal and so I am thinking I might take some of this into 2024. Let me know if you prefer this chattier letter style over the format of articles I have been writing in!
I hope you feel proud of this kindness to yourself. I’m learning so much about better boundaries from my current exhaustion and burnout, like saying no to family gatherings because they’re tiring and I just don’t want to.
I want to be a cosy little bean curled up in a blanket and watch films and unless something is going to give me joy and energy I’m saying thanks but no thanks.
I’ve just bought The Selfish Romantic, so once I’m finished reading Attached it’s next on my list. I’m acting out my anxious attachment style with my therapist right now and it’s very uncomfortable but being honest and upfront about it has been so healing.
Good on you and enjoy that necessary digital break.
Boundaries have been the biggest challenge I’ve taken on in recent years and I’m nowhere near there yet. But the one I’ve managed to do well is that I have Mondays off work. I’ve done this since I had my first child 11 years ago, I maintained it through a number of different work patterns across two different employers and I carry it on now as a freelancer and it keeps me sane. Sometimes I do a ton of errands, chores round the house, life admin, batch cook, get my nails done, do a Pilates class. Sometimes I just watch TV, listen to podcasts or scroll on my phone. But whatever I do, I do it deliberately and without shame that I’m not doing paid work or doing something for my kids. It’s been a revelation and it has stopped me resenting other stuff, like when I have tight deadlines and have to work into the night - which is both necessary for one of my regular clients, and works well for my ADHD brain anyway.